annoying?

 

 

one of my friends met this guy, and he’s about four years older than her. she gave him her number, and he’s already called her twice. tomorrow they’ve arranged to meet at a starbucks. i’m happy that she’s found someone, but i hope that he doesn’t end up being some creepy pervert loser. i hope he’s interested in her in a “i like your personality/i love talking to you and that’s all i want to do” sort of way.
i told my other friend about it, and she thinks its creepy ’cause he’s so much older than us. she doesn’t seem happy for her at all. in fact, she even said she didn’t care at all. she’s one of our best friends. aren’t best friends supposed to care about you the most? i have a feeling she’s just jealous because she can’t find a guy that easily, and because the guy she asked out isn’t calling her.
for me it’s the opposite. i’m happy that she has someone, even if i don’t. i’d gladly give up my happiness for both of theirs. i’m happy knowing that anyone i love is happy.
oh and another thing. my friend told the guy that she’s a year older than she actually is. it’s probably not that big a thing, but it bothers me. i’d rather she tell the truth to a potential boyfriend.

how is it that i notice everyone’s self-centered-ness? it slightly annoys me. maybe i’m being a hypocrite. am i self-centered? i’d really love for someone to answer that for me. i’d like to know what kind of impression i make on a person. i want the cold hard truth, without people just saying things to be nice. am i annoying? sometimes i annoy myself. if i annoy myself, how can i not annoy other people? maybe it just depends on who you ask.

i’m so inspired to sketch now. i’d love to put some of my work up on the internet, as soon as i figure out how to work my scanner.

make no sudden movements

it’s weird to see how horrible one person is to another, when that same person is the nicest person to me. chances are, the person she hates is one of my friends.

that guy i told you about, that one i really liked? i’ve noticed something about him. he’s not very open-minded. any sport he doesn’t play is stupid, anything that comes from his country is great, and anything he likes is the best. anything else someone else might like that he doesn’t, it’s stupid and they’re stupid. even if i don’t like something that someone does, i’m not mean about it. i understand that other people have different tastes, and that not everything i like is best. i don’t think he thinks about other people enough. i don’t know this for sure, but that’s the message i get from his actions. if he breaks someones heart, it doesn’t matter because he’s hurt too, and that’s all that matters. he makes such a big deal about his broken heart, and then changes his mind and likes someone else while the person who got their heart broken by him is still the one who cares about him most. no other girl gives a damn.

i don’t get it. i get them all in while our coach is outside, but when he’s watching us i didn’t get any in. maybe i shouldn’t try as hard to please him.

i want to get all these new songs on my mp3, just so i’d have something new to listen to.

i’m so sick of all these old things that i’ve been dragging around with me. i’m the opposite of a hoarder, i love getting rid of things. i love the open space you have when you throw something away. it’s like i can breathe easier.

i think i’ll just go with the flow now at school. i’m not going to try and make anything happen, unless it’s an A on a test or something. i’m so glad my parents are understanding. they know that i can’t be perfect all the time, so if i mess up on a little quiz they’re okay with it. they’re just not okay when i mess up on more than three, or on a big test.

but anyway, i think i’ll just sit back and relax. if something happens, it happens. if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. the thought seems much more calming now.

fuck i can’t wait for that pizza mom’s making. i take such an enjoyment in food, but i don’t overeat. i just can’t eat something after i’ve had too much. it makes me feel sick. i can really love a certain type of food, but i won’t eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. that’s just too much.

putting on some dance music now.

fuck, i love laughing.

richest man in babylon

he’s kind of annoying. and mean.

i don’t know why i like him.

i’m too quiet. i need to be louder in front of certain people, make myself heard. i also need to express myself a little more. i’m not sure how. maybe making something creative with my old printer might do it.

i also might make a website and put some of my pictures up (not that they’re any good), because now i’ve got a new scanner. i don’t really have all that much time alone to make any new pictures, and that bothers me.

it’s i hardly see the skies, somedays. it’s like you hardly said a word.

it snowed today, very nice and fluffy, and yet it was good enough to make snowballs with.

today i felt pretty good because a.) someone wanted to take my picture for the yearbook afterschool (and i was wearing one of my favourite outfits) and b.) i was shooting very well today in basketball.

i also feel sad because i think i made my friend mad. she wanted to know what was wrong with her layups, since they weren’t going in, and so i told her what i thought it was. when she did get it, she got all mad and stormed off to the change room.  i felt bad, but i also felt annoyed. SHE wanted my opinion. i don’t understand.

i’ll have to call her.

blah to me.

he’s being nicer to me.

and came up really close to talk.

maybe he’s changing his mind about me.

or maybe i’m just making something out of nothing.

it’s probably nothing.

nothing at all.

never mind her.

this other girl like him too. i don’t know how much. she’s nice, but i’ve always disliked her for some reason, even before i knew. maybe it’s because he always seemed to like her more. i’m just jealous.

i’m a dumb fuck.

selfish, nosy, and special

i need to stop thinking of myself so much.

anything that happens, i always think of a way that it benefits me. i find myself not caring so much about other people’s troubles and feelings. i need to stop this, and think about how other people are feeling. stop focusing on only my problems, because they are next to non-existent.

the “nosy friend” i talked about, well now she’s moving and she’s being so nice to me and showing that she cares about. now i feel bad about all those things i said about her. maybe she felt like i didn’t open up enough to her, and maybe wanted to get to know me better. i think that asking me about myself is a bit of a better way, and annoys me much less.

anyway, today was the first day back at school.

there’s this certain special someone at school. i almost forgot all about him during the break (and i wish i still am), and then i see him and start feeling the same.

seasons change.

autumn is my all time favourite season. the coloured leaves, windy days, power outages, and falling branches. i love walking through the park, fallen leaves crunching underneath my feet, while more from surrounding trees join them. i love how you don’t need to wear a giant thick jacket to step outside, but it’s time to take out the scarves and mittens that have been hiding in your closet all summer.

winter’s nice too, especially the soft falling snow landing in your hair. throwing giant snowballs at your friends and making snow angels. coming home to a warm house and drying off your soaked jeans. a cup of steaming hot chocolate awaits in front of the tv that shows christmas specials.  christmas trees are one of my favourite things. the lights and the tinsel sparkling. it’s kinda sad when you need to take all those decorations off and get rid of the tree.

 

 

as soon as spring and summer come, i’ll write about what makes them special for me.