friends.

today i went to the grocery store with my mom, and then she bought me a cappuccino. we then took a walk up these stairs and sat on a bench, talking. it was so nice to share my thoughts and feelings with a family member. i haven’t really done that in a while. it’s usually just been me and my friends. i don’t think i let my mom in enough. it’s so nice to talk to her, because she shares a lot of the same views that i do. of course, i can’t tell her EVERYTHING, but i can tell her a lot. just like how i can’t tell my friends everything either. it’s nice to just go out somewhere and be alone with someone, and just talk. you learn a lot about the person.

i really want to do something with my friends. like maybe arrange a sleepover together and watch movies. i love doing that with them. this time, it’s my friend (let’s call her ‘curly’)'s turn to host it. as usual, we’ll watch a million movies and stay awake all night talking and eating snacks. my other best friend (let’s call her ‘sunflower’ ) will come too. i’ve known curly since before kindergarden, and i’ve known sunflower since kindergarden. me and sunflower have only become best friends in the past three years, but me and curly have been friends forever. i hate it when they feel left out when two of us go off and do something together and the other couldn’t or didn’t come.

now that i think about them both, i’m so grateful for these friends. they stick by me no matter what, and i could always count on them to come with me on whatever pointless or weird thing i want to do. sometimes they aren’t so enthusiastic, but they do it anyways. i love them both.

today we had a tournament, and in the second game we played i got a player of the game shirt. i was SO happy. we lost that game, but i felt that i played better there than in the other two games. all through that game, i never left the court. i never got to sit on that bench. my feet are killing me for it, but i’m proud. on monday i’m gonna show off that shirt at school.

i got so mad at the last team we played. they were so fucking rough and strong. i just got so fed up and swore at them on the bench, and then i fouled them a little too much. they kept on getting past our defense and making fucking perfect layups, so i just rammed into the girl about to take the layup and grabbed the ball from her. i was so pissed off, and when i think about how mad i was i feel stupid now. i guess it was just the heat of the game. we won that game anyway, by three points.

i’m so obsessed with this one song. it’s from the movie step up, and it’s called “show me the money” by petey pablo.

tomorrow i’m just sitting at home and sleeping. for once i don’t have any basketball. my body’s going to thank me for it. i just had a shower, and i realized how many sweet-smelling nice shower things i have. i just had to smell them all. my shower gel smelt like vanilla, my shampoo had this sweet smell i can’t describe, my conditioner smelt like dove, and when i got out of the shower i had this wonderful “golden apple” body butter from the body shop.

playing basketball all day is fun, but i was so glad to finally come home and relax. it felt so good to just lie on my couch and close my eyes.

i don’t get it. i get them all in while our coach is outside, but when he’s watching us i didn’t get any in. maybe i shouldn’t try as hard to please him.

i want to get all these new songs on my mp3, just so i’d have something new to listen to.

i’m so sick of all these old things that i’ve been dragging around with me. i’m the opposite of a hoarder, i love getting rid of things. i love the open space you have when you throw something away. it’s like i can breathe easier.

i think i’ll just go with the flow now at school. i’m not going to try and make anything happen, unless it’s an A on a test or something. i’m so glad my parents are understanding. they know that i can’t be perfect all the time, so if i mess up on a little quiz they’re okay with it. they’re just not okay when i mess up on more than three, or on a big test.

but anyway, i think i’ll just sit back and relax. if something happens, it happens. if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. the thought seems much more calming now.

fuck i can’t wait for that pizza mom’s making. i take such an enjoyment in food, but i don’t overeat. i just can’t eat something after i’ve had too much. it makes me feel sick. i can really love a certain type of food, but i won’t eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. that’s just too much.

putting on some dance music now.

fuck, i love laughing.

yess!

for the first time, i got player of the game.

i’ve been wanting one of these shirts for so long now.